RockABye Xemnas
by BansheeFromHell
Summary: The feared Superior of Organization XIII is mysteriously turned into a helpless infant, and until he can be turned back to normal, he needs somebody to take care of him. This is going to be one twisted game of "House..." OC/Axel
1. A Startling Discovery

**Banshee: Hey everybody. I got a new story for you to read. This was kind of a "What if?" situation that I thought of one day, and I thought it was a cute and funny idea so I pursued it. I hope you like it. Love you all. Ja ne~! 3**

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><p>Chapter One: A Startling Discovery<p>

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><p>It was just an ordinary day.<p>

Xemnas had sent me grocery shopping (since I always complained about not getting some - _really_ important - things that I needed), and I brought Momo with me so we could just bring the groceries back via portal. Sometimes it sucked being the one to go shopping, but it was better than some of the other chores I had around the castle.

Shopping for the organization is pretty easy. All the other members give me a list of the items they need, and even give me munny to pay for them.

"Okay. That's everything. Let's go, Momo."

Momo nodded and created a portal at our feet, taking us, and the groceries, back to the castle.

When we arrived, Roxas and Demyx helped put all the food away. The other members came into the kitchen to pick up their things; everyone, except the Superior.

"Where's Xemnas?" I asked.

"Beats me. No one has seen him all day," said Roxas as he took a pack of popsicles and shoved them in the freezer.

"I guess I'll just bring him his stuff."

I walked through one of the huge halls of The Castle That Never Was, hearing nothing but my own footsteps. On my way to the bedrooms, I heard a strange noise coming from Xemnas' office. Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to go in there unless I was summoned, I carefully opened the door to investigate. The room was empty, but the chair behind the desk was moving slightly.

"Xemnas?" I asked tentatively.

Once again, there was no answer. I approached the chair and saw Xemnas' coat - among other clothing articles - lying in a puddle on the seat. There was a lump in the coat, and I slightly poked it causing it to wriggle. Then a dark face with a large pair of orange eyes appeared under the hood. The face was eerily familiar, like it was a smaller version of…

"Xemnas? No, it couldn't be… could it?" I said to no one in particular.

Carefully grasping the hood, I slowly pulled it off the baby's head. I yelped and jumped back when I saw silver hair.

"Holy crap, it _is_ Xemnas!" I exclaimed.

There was no way that this baby could be Xemnas. It was too… _cute._

"Don't do that!" I yelled when Xemnas tilted his head to the side. "It makes you look cute, and you looking cute is really creepy!"

At my outburst, his eyes started tearing up.

"Oh no…"

Little Xemnas started to cry, the sound, like any other baby's crying, resembling nails on a chalkboard. Even though I covered my ears, I could still hear his shrill crying beating at my ear drums. In an attempt to calm him down, I picked him up and tickled his tummy. He started to giggle, and I had to stifle some more shivers. Even though he was a baby, he was still my Superior, and 'cute' isn't one of the words someone could use to describe him…

"Oh God…" I groaned. "This is not going to be easy to explain…"

...

...


	2. The Game Plan

**Banshee: Hello everyone. Here's chapter two. For those of you who read "Life With Organization XIII" don't forget to vote in the poll. It's titled "Prom Song Choices," and it's on the top of my profile page. Happy reading. Love you all. Ja ne!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Kingdom Hearts; Square Enix does. I only own my OC and the plot.**

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><p>Chapter Two: The Game Plan<p>

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><p>"Oh God… Oh God… … What am I gonna do?" I asked myself as I paced around the office frantically, carrying Xemnas in my arms. To keep him from crying, I bounced him up and down in my arms, cringing as he giggled.<p>

"This is bad… This is so very very bad… It's so bad, there's no way it could possibly get any worse…"

As if on cue, a portal appeared in the corner of the room. I knew it was Saïx because he's the second-in-command, and he always comes in here so Xemnas can give him his orders. If he saw me in the office, I would get punished, and if he saw the Superior like this, who knows what would happen. Hell, he'd probably blame me for it. I panicked, chanting the word "crap" over and over again as I thought of a place to hide the baby. I grabbed Xemnas' clothes off the chair and wrapped them around him, covering everything but his face. If this worked, I could pass him off as dirty laundry to be washed.

Saïx exited the portal, glaring when he saw me.

"What are you doing in here?" He demanded.

"Um…" I stammered as I tried to come up with an excuse. When I found one, I continued, "It's laundry day. Now if you'll excuse me, I have dirty laundry to wash."

As I tried to walk past him, he grabbed me by my collar and pulled me back.

"You're hiding something, and you're going to tell me what it is."

"Oh really? And why should I?" I asked defiantly.

"Because I outrank you. That's why. Now obey your superior and tell me what you're hiding there." He ordered.

"I'm not hiding anything."

Suddenly, there was a gurgling noise coming from the bundle of clothes in my arms. Our little back and forth argument stopped, and we both stared at the bundle, and I couldn't help but notice how his eyebrow raised slightly when it wriggled.

"What was that?"

"Um… It was me?" I lied.

As usual, he didn't buy it.

"You are a _terrible_ liar." He deadpanned.

"Yeah, I know.." I admitted with a sheepish grin.

"Hand it over." Saïx ordered. When I didn't comply, he repeated his statement with more force, "Obey your superior, Number XIV. Hand. It. Over. _Now_."

Saïx isn't a person that you want to piss off. I liked to push his buttons every now and then, but I knew when to stop. Not wanting to invoke his wrath, I tentatively handed him the bundle. He unwrapped the bundle, throwing the clothes onto the floor, his facial expression changing from annoyed to surprised when he saw the baby. Our infantilized Superior stared at him blankly before blowing a raspberry in his face. Saïx looked at me, like this was my fault, and said, "What the hell is this?"

"It's Xemnas."

"I know it's Xemnas, you twit. Why is he an infant?"

"Don't ask me. I found him like this."

"How long has he been this way?" He inquired.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. He was an adult when I left, and sometime between then and when I got back he was turned into a baby."

"Something must be done about this. Without the Superior, the Organization will fall into chaos."

"You could fill in for him until he gets turned back to normal" I suggested. "You _are_ the second-in-command after all."

Saïx nodded his head in agreement. "Very well, then. And the Superior?"

"Maybe Vexen can change him back. But it might take a while…"

"And until then, you will be watching him."

I froze, and stared at the berserker with a confused look. ".. What?"

"You will take care of Xemnas until he can be returned to normal. Any objections?" I opened my mouth to object, but he cut me off. "Good. Then it's settled. I will fill in for the Superior, and until he can be returned to normal, your only mission is to take care of him and make sure his needs are met."

"Now wait just a minute!" I yelled, toning it down a bit so I wouldn't scare Xemnas. "I never agreed to that!"

Saïx gave me an ultimatum, "It's either this, or toilet duty."

Not wanting to do the toilets, I grabbed the baby from Saïx's arms and cooed, "Come on Xemmy~. Come to Mommy. Who's a cute wittle supewior? Yes, you are~!"

Xemnas giggled when I tickled his feet.

"As part of your mission, I expect a daily report on his progress."

"A _daily_ report?" I exclaimed. "You know I have other work to do, right?"

"If you know how to prioritize, then you have nothing to worry about."

"Slave-driving jackass." I growled, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Now, now, Nikki. That's not the way to speak in front of an impressionable child."

"Bite me."

"Be careful what you say because next time, I just might." He warned.

"Am I dismissed yet?" I asked impatiently.

"Yes you are." As I turned around and began to walk away, he continued mockingly, "Have fun on your mission."

He smirked as I sent a death glare in his direction and slammed the office door shut.

"I swear, it's that jerk's goal in life to make me miserable…" I muttered to myself as I stormed down the hall.

Xemnas giggled some more as he played with my hair, and I winced when he grabbed a handful and yanked. I pulled the hair out of his hand and lightly smacked it, and firmly scolded, "No. You do not pull people's hair. It's not nice."

His eyes started to tear up, and he was getting ready to cry that banshee-like cry of his. I didn't want him to cry again, so I took a handful of my hair and offered it to him. He smiled and took it, and resumed the hair-pulling. There was nothing else for him to play with, so I really didn't have much of a choice. As much as I hated it, it was better than having him sit there and scream.

"Yo, Nikki!"

I froze.

Did I just hear…?

"Nikki, sweetheart, where've you been? I've been lookin' all over for you."

_"Crap…"_ I thought, silently wishing that I could fall through a hole and disappear. _"It's Axel…"_

"Hey, what's that you're carrying?" He asked.

"Nothing." I replied defensively, cradling Xemnas and attempting to hide him from Axel's view. I had my back to him, so it was easier to hide.

"It don't look like nothing." He said. "Come on, you can tell me what it is. We're friends, aren't we?"

"You promise not to laugh?"

"Why would I laugh?"

I hesitated for a moment before I turned around and revealed our infant Superior to him. At first, his only response was a blank stare.

"Hey, that's neat." He said after about thirty seconds of silence. "You have a baby doll that looks like the Superior."

"It's not a doll, you idiot!" I snapped. "It _is_ Xemnas. He somehow got turned into a baby."

Another blank stare.

"You serious?"

"As the plague."

Axel sat there for a few seconds before he burst into a fit of laughter.

"No way!" He exclaimed between fits. "That little _runt_ is the _Superior_?"

"You promised you wouldn't laugh."

"I never promised anything."

"This is serious, Axel." I reprimanded, with a serious expression.

"I know, I know." He said, regaining his composure. "I just wanted to have a laugh, that's all. So… How did he get like this? Don't keep me in suspense; give me the details."

"Okay, but we'll need to talk somewhere private."

…

- Later, In Nikki's Room -

…

Our conversation wasn't as private as I would have liked. Roxas, Demyx and Zexion showed up, and it wouldn't be fair to keep secrets from them because they're my friends too, so I ended up explaining to all four of them what happened - starting when I found him and ending when I was given my mission. They laughed too, but, once they recognized the seriousness of the situation, they stopped. They even offered to help me take care of Xemnas because trying to care for a baby on your own is not easy - unless you're one of the gifted few who can handle doing it by yourself, which I'm not.

"Who else knows about this?" Zexion asked.

"Nobody." I replied.

"Good. Who knows what would happen if the other members found out."

"You guys will really help me?"

"Of course we will." Roxas said. "What are friends for?"

"We'll help you with anything you need - except changing the diapers. You're on your own there." Demyx said, cringing upon mentioning the diaper changing.

"Nice to know I can count on you guys to help with _almost_ anything.."

…

…


	3. A Busy Day

**Banshee: Hello everybody, it's me Banshee. Here's chapter 3. For those of you who read "Life With Organization XIII," don't forget to vote in the poll. The poll is "Prom Song Choices" and it is located at the top of my profile page. This poll will determine what song will be playing when Nikki and Axel dance at the prom. Okay then, on to the story. Love you all! Ja ne!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in Kingdom Hearts; Square Enix does. I only own my OC, Nikki, and the plot.**

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><p>Chapter Three: A Busy Day<p>

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><p>It's been one day since Xemnas was turned into a baby.<p>

He was relatively well-behaved the night before, despite the fact that he woke me up twice (once at quarter after twelve, and again at three forty-five in the morning). We didn't have any baby food, so I had to puree fruits and vegetables in the blender. Then I burped him and changed his diaper; I had Momo pick up a small pack of diapers so he would be set for the night and go get more in the morning. I never changed a diaper before, but I used to practice on my baby dolls when I was going through that "I-wanna-be-just-like-Mommy" phase as a child. I cringed at the thought of seeing his privates and cleaning up his waste, and came close to throwing up the first time.

Man, when Xemnas returns to normal, he owes me _big time_ for this…

"Hey Nikki." Roxas greeted, walking into the kitchen as I was feeding Xemnas a puree blend of peaches and apples. "You're up early."

"No thanks to this little tyrant." I grumbled, taking another spoonful of the puree and holding it up to the Superior, who eagerly opened his mouth to receive the food. "He woke me up twice last night."

"Well he's a baby. That's what babies do…" He paused for a second, scratching his head. "… isn't it?"

"You don't know a thing about babies, do you?"

"Not a clue."

Babies require a lot of attention, especially in the first few months. They cry at every little thing, whether it's gas, they need their diaper changed, they're hungry, they got hurt, something scared them, or they just want to be held. Not all babies behave the same way. Some cry more than others, and some cry less. According to my mother, my sister and I were very well-behaved babies and went to bed fairly easily, and would sleep for a relatively long time before it was time for us to wake up. We rarely cried, but I, apparently, cried a little more.

Right now, I couldn't decide which was worse; Xemnas as a baby, or as an adult. The adult Xemnas would run me - and everybody else - ragged every day with missions and chores, and openly mocked me on a daily basis, while the baby Xemnas woke me up in the middle of the night, threw up on me, pulled my hair, and gave me the "privilege" of cleaning up his dirty diapers.

…

Scratch that.

The baby Xemnas is definitely worse.

But no matter how much I hated it, something inside me wouldn't let me just walk away from the situation. I felt the strong urge to comfort him and protect him. Maybe it was my maternal instinct kicking in - _again_ - or maybe it was just the fact that if I didn't take care of him, then no one else would.

Curse my double-X chromosomes…

"Do you need any help?" Roxas asked.

"Not right now. But I do have to go shopping for Xemnas once I'm done feeding him." I said, wiping excess food of Xemnas' face. "Do you want to come with me, and give Momo a break?"

"Sure."

Luckily, Xemnas finished off the puree fairly quickly, and after a quick burping Roxas and I got dressed and headed to the store with our infant Superior in tow.

…

- At The Store -

…

The first thing we did when we got to the store was head straight for the baby stuff. I looked at the baby clothes and food while I sent Roxas to get some toys. Every time he saw something that he thought Xemnas would like, he would bring it back and show it to me for approval. Some of the toys I said "yes" to, and to others I said "Hell no!" While I was looking at pajamas, Roxas ran up to me with a plastic box.

"How about this one?"

"Roxas.. That's a box of _Legos_."

"… So?"

"Babies aren't supposed to play with _Legos_."

"Why not?"

"Because they could choke on the blocks."

"Oohh…"

Realizing his mistake, he ran back to the toy aisle to put the box back. He came back with a box of mega blox, which I said yes to.

"What about this one?" He asked a few minutes later.

He brought back a _Transformers_ toy. It was the movie version of Bumblebee, with instructions to change him into his vehicle mode included in the package.

"That's not a baby toy, Roxas."

"You never know, he might like it.."

I gave him a look, knowing right away that he wanted the toy. "You want to get it, don't you?"

"Yes." He admitted shamelessly. "Can I get it? Please?"

"No."

His happy face shattered. "Why not?"

"Because we're here for Xemnas."

"But it's a limited edition~… and there was only one left~…"

"Tell me you did not just whine.."

"Please, Nikki? If you get this for me, then I'll change one of his diapers."

I looked at the plastic package, my eyes widening in shock when I saw the price sticker. "For what this thing costs, you'd better change a whole day's worth."

Roxas scoffed. "He's a little baby. How many diapers can he go through in a day?"

"_You have no idea…"_ I thought.

"Okay, you got a deal."

"… Alright."

"Yes!" He exclaimed excitedly, performing a fist pump as he put the Bumblebee toy in the carriage. "Axel is gonna be _so_ jealous.."

I rolled my eyes as he turned around and ran back to the toy aisle to pick out more toys. As he ran away, I called after him, "Remember Roxas, we want _baby_ toys! No more _Transformers_!"

"Okay, okay, I got it!" He yelled back.

I noticed that Xemnas was getting antsy, so I grabbed a rattle from the cart and shook it to attract his attention. He watched it like kittens watching a lazer pointer; he followed its every move, his head moving from side to side as I moved it in front of him. His hands reached out instinctively and he whined for me to give him the rattle. I gave it to him, and he shook the rattle and experimented by banging it against the metal carriage, giggling at the "ding" sound that accompanied the rattling.

"Having fun?" I asked, kneeling down so that I was at eye-level with him.

He responded by using the rattle to smack me in the head, laughing at my exclamation of "Ouch!" and hit me three more times before I grabbed his little arm. I reprimanded him and told him in a warning tone to stop hitting me. He seemed to understand, for he went back to hitting the carriage.

"Hey, Nikki!" I heard Roxas call me. "Look what I found!"

I turned around and saw Roxas running towards me with a stuffed doll. It was a big heart with arms and legs, wearing red sneakers and white cartoon gloves, and a cute little bowtie under its smiley face. As soon as Xemnas laid eyes on the doll, he dropped the rattle and reached for it. When it was given to him, he wrapped his arms around it and squeezed it affectionately, forgetting all about all the other toys. We ended up putting them back because he was completely satisfied with the stuffed heart. However, when we tried to put the rattle back, he started to cry. When we gave it back to him, we figured out why he wanted it so badly; because he liked to hit people with it.

We then picked up some baby food and special formulas, putting the items in the carriage along with the clothes, blankets, diapers, baby powder, oil, special baby shampoo, and a box containing parts for a crib (which came with a mobile).

Before we went back to the castle, Xemnas started crying and it didn't take long to figure out why; he needed a diaper change. I reminded Roxas of our deal, and handed him to the young Nobody and he took the infant into the men's room. He used the table in the back as a changing table, and, thanks to the solid stone walls of the bathroom, I could hear every disgusted groan, every complaint, and every gagging noise he made as he changed our Superior's diaper. When he came out, his face was green and he held the baby as far away from him as he could.

"Not so easy now, is it?" I asked smugly, my amusement growing as Roxas glared at me with an embarrassed blush.

"Shut up!" He hissed, shoving the infant into my arms.

"Remember, you asked for this when you wanted that _Transformers_ toy."

He shrugged. "Eh. It was worth it."

"Was it really?" I asked. "Was getting that limited edition Bumblebee worth experiencing the trauma of changing the Superior's diaper?"

"You bet it was." He said, smiling.

I sighed and shook my head. "Boys…"

As we stepped through the portal to return to the castle, I added, "I still expect you to change the rest of today's diapers."

I laughed when I received a disdainful groan in response.

…

- Back At The Castle -

…

When we returned to the castle, Xemnas was content with his stuffed heart. He hugged it close to him as I carried him in the harness, and was startling to fall asleep, which, to me, meant that it was time for him to take a nap. We immediately took him to my room where we laid him on my bed while we assembled the crib. He was asleep when we finished, and I carefully picked him up and placed him inside, making sure that he had his plush heart with him.

"Thanks for helping me, Roxas," I said. "And grabbing that plush heart was pure genius."

"It just came to me."

I looked at the clock in my room, which read one o'clock. We had been shopping for the whole morning, and I wasn't any less tired. I was tired enough from Xemnas waking me up twice, and running around for half the day carrying a baby left me exhausted. I was ready to follow the Superior's lead and plop down on my bed and fall asleep. Saïx _did_ say that my only mission was to take care of Xemnas until he returned to normal, so it was okay to sleep… just for a little while… I'd work on the report later. But now… I felt like taking a nap of my own.

"Well, I'd better stay here with him in case he wakes up. I'll see you later, okay?" I said, yawning in mid-sentence.

Roxas, recognizing how tired I was, left, but not before saying "Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite" in a joking manner before teleporting out of the room, no doubt to go play with his new Bumblebee toy.

Once he was gone, I plopped myself onto my bed, and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

…

- Three Hours Later -

…

The sound of Xemnas' crying woke me up from a sound sleep. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and got up, still feeling a little groggy, walking over to the crib to see what the crying was about.

"What's wrong, Xemnas?" I asked sleepily. "What do you need?"

I tried burping him, but nothing came out; I checked his diaper, but it didn't need changing; I put my ear to his stomach to listen for a growl, and, sure enough, there was one.

I took him into the kitchen, sat him down on the chair and got a jar of baby food out of the cupboard. After I fed him, I burped him, and put him down on the floor so he could crawl around. The clock read four o'clock, with about an hour and a half until it was time for dinner, and I was still tired. I watched him crawl around, dragging his plush heart behind him, my eyes trained on him like hawk.

"Yo, Nikki!" A familiar voice called.

Turning around, I saw, none other than, Axel walking towards me. He sat down on the other side of the table, folding his arms on the tabletop. He turned and looked at Xemnas, then back to me, and asked, "So how's this babysitting thing coming?"

"Eh. It hasn't been that bad." I said. "He's been relatively well-behaved. He's been great since Roxas and I got him that plush heart. As long as he has that thing, he's fine."

"Speaking of Roxas, how did he talk you into letting him get a limited edition _Transformers_ toy?"

"Oh, he told you about that, huh? He offered to change the rest of today's diapers in exchange for letting him have it. I didn't see him change the diaper, but the look on his face when he was done was priceless." I said, sipping my glass of water with a smug grin.

"He's never gonna live that down, is he?"

"Nope."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked, changing the subject.

"If I need your help, I'll ask for it." I said.

"Face it. A baby needs structure and consistency. He needs a mom and a dad. He's already got a mom; you. But he doesn't have a dad."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What're you getting at?"

"How about if I was the dad?"

If my eyebrow could go any higher, it would have disappeared into my hairline. "You? A dad? I wouldn't trust you to take care of a _dog_, let alone a baby."

He shrank back at my statement. "Ouch."

"Besides, you're only suggesting this whole 'mommy' and 'daddy' thing so you can pretend that we're 'together.'"

"… So?"

"Ugh… Fine." I growled. "You can be 'daddy..'"

I rolled my eyes as Axel performed a fist pump to celebrate his victory, grinning like an idiot the whole time.

"Since we're the 'parents,' then that means we need to take turns taking care of 'Junior.' I looked after him all morning and all afternoon, and now it's your turn." I picked Xemnas up off the floor and pushed him into Axel's arms. "I'm going to take a nap, and I expect Xemnas - and the castle - to be in one piece when I wake up. If I'm not up by dinner, the baby food is in the cupboard, the formula's in the fridge; just heat it up in the microwave before you give it to him, but not too hot, and if he needs changing, have Roxas do it; he still owes me. Have fun, 'Honey.'"

With that, I turned on my heel and walked away. As I walked away, Xemnas started to cry.

"Oh crap, he's crying. Nikki, what do I do?" He called after me.

"It's your shift. _You _figure it out."

I continued to walk, until I reached my room. Once again, I plopped myself onto my bed, not even bothering to change into my pajamas, and Hazel curled up next to me and purred, which helped me get to sleep.

…

…


	4. Patience Is A Virtue

**Banshee: Here's chapter 4 of "Rock-A-Bye Xemnas." Having a baby is the biggest test of patience, so I thought I'd touch on a little bit of that in this chapter. Remember, the poll for "Life with Organization XIII" ends on August 20, so remember to vote, vote, vote~!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Kingdom Hearts characters; Square Enix does. I only own my OC and the plot.**

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><p>Chapter Four: Patience Is A Virtue<p>

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><p>When I woke up a few hours later, the first thing I did was look at the clock. I saw what time it was, and froze, suddenly remembering that I had a report due by midnight. If I didn't give the report to Saïx by midnight, then I would have to do twice the work tomorrow. I got to work immediately, describing what happened during the day. A lot had happened, so it was a lot to write, and my writing hand was sore as hell when I was finished. Once I was done, I put it in an envelope and sealed it, giving it to Momo so he could give it to Saïx. When he teleported away, I decided to go out and see how Axel was doing, hoping that when I opened the door, the castle wasn't reduced to a war zone.<p>

I opened the door cautiously and peeked my head out into the hallway, almost surprised to see that, so far, everything was still in one piece - not that I doubted Axel's abilities… actually, yes, I did.

"Huh.." I said to myself as I stepped out into the hallway. "So far, so good."

I made my way down to the kitchen, where I saw Axel trying to feed Xemnas a jar of puree sweet potatoes. He was holding a spoon up to his face, but the infant turned his head away stubbornly.

"Axel.. What are you doing?"

I apparently caught him off guard, for he jumped when I spoke.

"What's it look like I'm doing? I'm feeding the baby."

"It's almost eight." I said after looking at the clock. "He was supposed to have dinner nearly two hours ago. Why are you feeding him _now_?"

"I had to wait until all the other members were gone. If they saw him like this, who knows what could happen; and if they saw me taking care of a baby, I'd never live it down."

I rolled my eyes.

"Here, let me feed him." I said, grabbing the spoon from his hands.

Sitting down in front of the high-chair, I took another spoonful of the sweet potato puree and held it up to Xemnas. He shut his mouth tightly and shook his head stubbornly, refusing to comply. When I pushed the spoon against his lips, he moved his head away, whining.

"Come on, Xemnas." I pleaded. "Please eat."

He shook his head.

"Open up the tunnel, here comes the train~. Choo choo~." I said, mimicking a train.

No response.

"Wow, this kid's stubborn.. Okay… let's try something else…" I looked around, and a light bulb appeared over my head when I saw the plush heart. I picked it up and held it in front of Xemnas. "What's this? I think your friend is hungry. He loves sweet potatoes; they're his favorite. See?"

I took the spoon and pretended to feed the puree to the heart. Taking its arm, I made it rub its stomach as I made munching noises, and said in a goofy voice, "Mm, I love sweet potatoes! Try some, Xemnas. They're good."

As Axel watched me do this, I knew he was thinking "What the hell is she doing?" He snickered when I made the goofy noises and talked in a high-pitched voice, but he stopped when I glared at him. My aunt Stacy has a baby, and would sometimes use his favorite toy to persuade him to eat his food when he would stubbornly refuse what she was feeding him. The toy would pretend to eat and say that this particular dish was its favorite, and her son, wanting to imitate, would eat also. Seeing this technique executed successfully so many times, I decided to try it on Xemnas. Sure enough, it worked. The next time I held a spoonful to him, he opened his mouth and ate. He ate spoonful and after spoonful until the jar was completely empty.

"I can't believe that worked.." He said, his eyes widened in shock. "How did you do that? Do you have the power of hypnosis, or something?"

I didn't respond. I just gave him a flat look.

"What do I do now?" He asked.

"Burp him." I said.

"And how do I do that?"

Sighing, I picked Xemnas up and gave him to the pyro. "Just turn him around and pat him gently on the back until something comes out."

He did as I instructed and turned Xemnas around so his stomach was against his chest and started patting him gently on the back. After a few pats, he let out a little burp. He let out another burp after a few more pats. What came out next was - kind of - unexpected. Axel's shoulder was suddenly covered in baby vomit, tinted slightly orange from the sweet potato. The pyro was so shocked, he almost dropped the Superior, who was acting like nothing happened.

"He puked on me!" He exclaimed, examining his vomit-covered coat in disgust. "The little bastard _puked_ on me!"

"Calm down." I said, taking Xemnas from him. "It's vomit, not acid."

"A little _warning_ would have been nice.." Axel grumbled, taking a roll of paper towels and using them to clean up the vomit, silently thanking God that his coat was made of leather.

"Babies can't control when they puke. They can't control any of their bodily functions yet; things just come out."

"So everything he does is involuntary. That's very nice to hear.." He said, his tone saturated with sarcasm. "Is he gonna piss on me next?"

"Cut the attitude. You want to be a dad? This is what comes with it."

He gave me a look. "Getting puked on is what comes with being a dad.."

"Yes."

"Did _you_ puke on _your_ dad?"

"Yes."

"… You puked on your dad?"

"Yup. Loads of times." I said nonchalantly. "I puked on my mom, too. If you want to be a parent, you take everything that comes with it; the good and the bad. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a baby to put to bed."

…

- The Next Day -

…

Day Two.

Axel was away on a few missions, so it was just me.

Xemnas was dirty, so I had to give him a bath. Since he was too small to put in a tub, I used the one thing that nearly every parent uses to bathe their babies; the kitchen sink. He played with the bubbles as I put some baby shampoo in his hair and worked it into a lather. As he played with the bubbles, I couldn't help but think that he actually _was_ kind of cute.

"Dude, I'm telling you, _Battle: Los Angeles_ was _way_ better than _War of the Worlds_."

I froze when I heard Xigbar's voice coming down the hallway.

"That movie was stupid. _War of the Worlds_ was better."

Oh, great. He's got Xaldin with him.

"You kiddin' me? That queer Tom Cruise couldn't act to save his life. And the oh-so-powerful and invincible aliens die at the end because they were exposed to some Earth bacteria? Laaaame~."

"_Battle: Los Angeles_ is nothing but mindless violence and explosions. At least _War of the Worlds_ actually had a plot."

"Yeah, it had a plot; a lame one."

"You are such a man-child.."

"Up yours, Mutton-Chops."

Xaldin was about to retort when he noticed that Xigbar was standing there with a deer-in-headlights look on his face. He tried waving his hand in front of the gun-toting Nobody's face, and when that didn't work he looked over to see what the hell was so interesting. Soon both were standing there with wide-eyed expressions as they saw me bathing a baby - that looked strikingly like the Superior - in the kitchen sink. I was staring at them with the same look on my face, and as usual Xemnas was completely oblivious.

"What's with the baby?" Xaldin asked.

"Okay, let me see if I can guess what this is about…" Xigbar set the gears in his brain into motion. "Nine months ago, Xemnas invited you into his office and offered you wine, and the two of you drank until you were so f-ed up that you ended up sleeping together. And _that's_ where the baby came from."

"Okay… First of all, _ew_.." I shuddered. "Second of all, you would know if I was pregnant for the past nine months; which I _wasn't_."

"Then why does the baby look like…?" The rest of the sentence didn't make it out as Xigbar stared at the infant with wide eyes as he realized that the baby… was the Superior.

"_No_ _**way**_…" Then he burst out laughing. "Is that Xemnas? Oh, dude, this is too good!"

"Is that really the Superior?" Xaldin asked as Xigbar was rolling on the floor.

"… Yes.."

He was silent, which was the opposite of what I was expecting, and he wasn't even close to laughing like Xigbar was; he didn't even crack a smile. I didn't know if that was good or bad.

"How long?" He asked.

"A couple days."

"Does anybody else know about this?"

"Well Saïx knows, of course." I said. "Roxas knows, and Axel, Demyx and Zexion know too. And now you two know."

I ignored Xigbar as he continued to roll around on the floor, holding his sides as he laughed his ass off.

Suddenly Axel appeared in a portal, carrying a bag in his hands.

"Hey Nikki, I got those _Pampers Cruisers_ that you wanted."

He noticed the flat look on my face, and turned around when I gestured behind him with my free hand (the one that wasn't hanging onto Xemnas to make sure he didn't accidentally drown in the sink). His eyes widened in horror when he saw Xaldin standing there, and Xigbar only laughed harder from his spot on the floor.

"You got _Axel_ involved in this? Oh, this is too good!" The scarred Nobody managed to choke out between laughing fits. "Ol' Xemnas gets turned into a drooling baby, and Nikki and Axel are playing Mommy and Daddy! I think I busted a gut! Ha ha ha~!"

"Laugh it up, Xigbar. Laugh it up.." I muttered dryly.

…

- That Night -

…

Ever since Xaldin and Xigbar found out about Xemnas being turned into a baby, we've been suffering unbearable ridicule from the other members because that trigger-happy moron (a.k.a. Xigbar) couldn't keep his mouth shut about it. I didn't retaliate when they teased me because I was trying to exercise restraint for Xemnas' sake. When this is all over, and the Superior gets turned back to normal, he owes me _big time_ for everything I've been having to go through because of this.

Before I took Xemnas to bed, I made sure to turn in my daily report.

"Oh God, that was _mortifying_…"

"Speak for yourself." I said as I tucked the Superior into bed. "They just saw you with a pack of diapers. _I _was the one that was bathing Xemnas in the kitchen sink."

"You don't have a reputation in this castle; I do. And now it's completely shot because of this."

"Is that what you're worried about? Your stupid reputation? This isn't about you, you know." I stopped before I could say anything more. "You know what? I'm not getting into this with you. It's not good for Xemnas if we argue in front of him."

"You're right." He agreed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I said. "We were both put under a lot of stress today. We'll feel better after we get some sleep."

"Amen to that."

I got into bed, and closed my eyes, immediately opening them again when I felt my bed shift as Axel got into bed with me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded.

"If we're going to pretend to be parents, then we'd better make it convincing." He said.

"You just want an excuse to get into my bed, you pervert."

He smirked. "Maybe."

"Ugh.. Fine." I growled. "But stay on your own damn side."

…

- 3:30 AM -

…

Axel groaned when Xemnas started crying.

"Ugh.. Again? Can't the brat just stay asleep for once?"

"Axel," I said sleepily. "Can you get him?"

"Why me?"

"'Cuz I got him last time. Just go see what he wants."

"Tch. Fine.."

He got out of bed and walked over to the crib, picking Xemnas up and staring at him.

"All right, you little runt…" He muttered. "What do you want?"

"Is he hungry?" I asked.

"How the hell should I know?"

"Try giving him his bottle."

Axel picked up the bottle and held it up to the Superior, who shook his head and pushed it away. He tried burping him, but nothing came out. He reluctantly checked his diaper, bit it didn't need to be changed. If he wasn't hungry, he didn't have gas, and his diaper was dry, then what the hell did he need? I knew Axel was frustrated just by listening to him growl and curse under his breath. The man had no patience when it came to kids.

"Come on, stop crying!" He ordered. "Where's the off button on this thing?"

"Stop yelling at him!" I yelled.

"He won't stop crying!"

"He might have had a bad dream. Try rocking him back to sleep."

When he asked me how, I gave him very simple instructions to follow. He did as I instructed and cradled the infant gently in his arms, rocking him back and forth slowly. I told him a lullaby also helped, and gave him a specific one to sing to him. At first he didn't want to sing, and gave me a look that said "What, are you crazy?" when I told him to do it.

"Do you want him to stop crying, or not?"

He sang the lullaby, although he was reluctant to do so, and, lo and behold, the Superior slowly fell back to sleep. Axel made sure he was sleeping, and put him back in his crib, putting the blanket over him as he cuddled up to his plush heart.

"Ugh…Thank Kingdom Hearts…" He sighed. "Now I can get back to sleep…"

I tiredly rolled my eyes as he got back into bed. I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me close to him, and my back was flush against his chest. If it was any other day, I would have pushed him away and told him to stay on his own damn side, but tonight I was too tired. He buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath, and I could feel him smiling faintly against the back of my head.

"You smell like vanilla…" He sighed. I would have taken it as a compliment, until he continued, "It's sexy.."

I would have to hit him for that in the morning.

Right now, I was more concerned with getting back to sleep.

…

…


End file.
